10 Guidelines for Visiting

By: Lennie Spitale

10 Guidelines for Success
Following are 10 guidelines I would suggest after observing these visits for nearly 30 years in Christian prison ministry. Maybe one or two will be helpful to you.

1. Verbally acknowledge that the other person's stress is real. You are temporarily living in two different worlds. Acknowledge that the differences can create misunderstandings. Empathize, but don't pretend to fully understand the other's stress factors.

2. Give each other adequate time to express your feelings. I recommend that the one doing time allow the visitor to be the one who talks about his or her life first. The prison world is a small one; by listening to your loved one's experiences first, it'll help to pull you out of it a little bit.

3. Give each other the freedom to be honest about your feelings. (If you can't handle the truth, don't ask for it.)

4. There is a time for everything. Agree together whether or not the timing is right to bring up certain issues. If one (or both) of you is not emotionally ready to handle something, you must mutually agree to put it on a back burner until the time is right.

5. Listen with your heart as well as your ears. For the men, keep in mind that, if the visitor is a wife or girlfriend, she doesn't necessarily want you to fix the problem; she just wants you to know how she feels. (Since you are already feeling frustrated at your inability to fix outside problems, this should actually be a help to you.)

6. Identify the real issues. (But do this with gentleness and respect.) Most of the time, the surface issues aren't the real problem. Sometimes the anger is rooted in unresolved conflicts. For example, family members may be hiding their anger over all the pain and turmoil the incarcerated one has caused, but be afraid to express it.

7. The conversation shouldn't be dominated by one person. Agree to give each other equal time to talk about what has been going on in your lives.

8. Be kind. It's not all about you. I once heard someone say: "Be kind to each other. Everyone is fighting big battles." The shrink-wrapped world of prison life can cause one to become very self-focused. And, just as easily, the demands and responsibilities of outside life can cause visitors to become the same way.

9. Make a commitment at the beginning of each visit that you will make no unreasonable demands upon the other. Stick by it.

10. Ask for practical ways in which you can be of help to each other.

 As a young man, Lennie Spitale served a prison sentence for an armed robbery that was later reduced to assault and robbery. Two years after his conversion to Christianity, he began conducting a weekly Bible study in a local jail and has been involved in prison ministry for more than two decades.

The Impact of Parental Incarceration

When parents go to prison or jail, their children suffer. The loss of a parent to incarceration can precipitate trauma and disruption that few experience without serious consequences. This loss often compounds or exacerbates existing environmental stress such as poverty, poor schools and violent neighborhoods.

Incarcerated parents were often themselves raised by adults who were chemically dependent, abusive or both. They are likely to have learned to cope and adapt to trauma and distress by lashing out at others and by self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. They can lack the ability to attach to others and may not have internalized adequate or healthy models of child rearing.

 For many prisoner parents, rage, depression and addiction is and has been a part of life followed by the criminal activity that addiction can require and rage often causes.


Children of prisoners will experience loss of the parent that cared for them—or of the possibility of a nurturing parent. This loss may include relief that a parent is no longer able to hurt themselves or others. Perhaps the loss is accompanied by satisfaction that the parent will be punished or hope that they will change. But loss remains a consistent reaction to the incarceration of a parent.

When children are present at the arrest of their parent, the loss of separation can be compounded by powerlessness, and violence. In some cases, the child may see police indifference or brutality.


Most children of prisoners are cared for by family members. Some remain in stable environments while others are moved to new communities or schools. Many children are plunged into economic hardship or deeper poverty as a result of the incarceration of a family member. As their caregivers struggle to cope, some children will be exposed to the new or continued substance abuse of family members. They may also
experience sexual or physical abuse. Children, who are placed in foster care, often endure multiple placements and are at increased risk for physical and sexual abuse.

Children with parents in jail or prison feel stigmatized even when they live in communities where many people have family and friends who are incarcerated. Some children even appear to be boastful as they defend against the pain and embarrassment. Children of prisoners, who live with any or all of these conditions and risk factors, have difficulty in school and experience both academic and social failure.


Children of prisoners are rarely helped by not having their parent in their lives in some way. Without that parent, children mourn. Some mourn the loss of the parent that was available to care for them. Others mourn the
loss of what “could have been.”


While caregivers of children of prisoners are often unsure about what to tell them and whether or not to take them to visit, most children adjust better when they are told the truth about their parents whereabouts and when contact between parents and children is maintained.

Visits to a parent in prison or jail are usually helpful in keeping children connected to their parents. There are often however behavioral reactions (increased aggression or anxiety) after visits as children adapt or re-adapt to their loss. These behaviors are difficult and can cause adults to recommend against visiting the incarcerated parent.


Studies do show that most children manage the crisis of parental incarceration better when they visit their parents. But it usually takes time for children and families to cope with the feelings that the visits raise. While not visiting is sometimes easier on the emotions in the short run, out of sight, is not out of mind. Distance leaves a lot of confusion, questions, imagined dangers and fears for kids to deal with. These feelings may show up in problem behaviors at home, school or both and can be harmful to the child over time.




Adapted from Responding to Children
and Families of Prisoners: A
Community Guide by Ann AdalistEstrin and Jim Mustin, copyright
Family and Corrections Network,

The story we hear over and over, but with a happy ending!

This is a reprint from Prison Fellowship's "New This Week" Stories. It's so good and full of hope, I had to share it with all of you. It's the story of a young woman and how she overcame great odds. As a volunteer with Hope Aglow, I do a Bible study in our local jail. I have heard this story so many times. Maybe as you read it you can pray for the women in our society who fall prey to the same mistakes. The best thing about this woman's story is how all things really did work together for her good.


Seven. The number of times Sheaveal Beasley turned in her street clothes for a prison uniform. It wasn’t the path she would have chosen. But when she looks back now, she knows that her life’s journey has only just begun.

Thirteen. Sheaveal’s age when she began taking responsibility for her five younger siblings. Growing up in Punta Gorda, Florida, “we cherished each other because we didn’t have much,” she says. Her parents worked hard when Sheaveal was younger, but they eventually started doing marijuana and the family was largely left in Sheaveal’s hands. Resourceful and hopeful, Sheaveal remained in school, graduating with a softball scholarship to attend Miami Dade College.

	Sheaveal and her daughter Amber.

Three. The number of months Sheaveal completed at college before dropping out. It all happened because of a guy… a guy who did drugs. “I wanted to fit in,” Sheaveal admits. “I fell in love with him.” She began smoking marijuana and doing cocaine. Then she lost her scholarship and had to quit school.

Ninety. The year Sheaveal got caught the first time. She shoplifted to feed her drug habit and landed behind bars. First, jail. Then, prison. After getting out, she began writing bad checks to pay for drugs. She violated probation and found herself back behind bars. The cycle had begun, and it would be years before it came to a stop. “I couldn’t deal with the guilt and the shame after having [lost] all of the scholarship,” she laments. “I kept on [using drugs] to numb the feelings that I felt inside.”

Six. The number of children Sheaveal gave birth to while shuttling back and forth between cocaine and prison. Not long after getting clean and giving birth to her daughter Amber, Sheaveal fell back into a rut and went to prison for the fourth time. She had five sons over the next 11 years. A few of them were born cocaine positive.

Three. The number of family members who died in 1997: her mother, her father and her grandmother. While in jail in Charlotte , North Carolina, to be closer to her children’s father Leroy, she received word that her mother had passed away. Five weeks later, her father and grandmother died. “They were my backbone. They were always there for me no matter what I did.” Not long after, Leroy fell sick with cancer. He died in 2004, and Sheaveal was left alone with five of her kids and many financial burdens. “I felt myself slipping back into the old me,” she remembers. So she packed up the kids and moved back to Florida. Desperate for companionship, she began to date an old acquaintance. Not long after they started dating, he began to beat her. Sheaveal landed in the hospital with a brain injury. That’s when she decided to take matters into her own hands. She stole a gun and set out to execute justice. But she got caught before she could enact her plan.

Twenty-five. The number of years Sheaveal was facing when she went to prison the last time. That’s when she finally gave up and cried out, “God, I can’t do this again. If you don’t help, I will die out here!” God answered her by bringing Jeremiah 29:11 to mind: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That promise gave Sheaveal hope that she could find life beyond self-destruction.

Four and a half. The number of years the judge actually gave her. “That was one of the times in my life that God showed me that He is true to His Word,” she said. During those four and a half years at Broward Correctional Institution in Fort Lauderdale, Sheaveal did everything she could to change the trajectory of her life. She began hanging around positive people, went to church, read the Bible and joined the choir. She was certified as a help desk analyst and became a peer facilitator for a drug rehab program. Still, she admitted, there was an emptiness. “No one in my family was talking to me. Everyone was disappointed because I went to prison again.” She needed someone to fight for her.

Two. Mentors. After attending a Prison Fellowship event in prison, Sheaveal learned that she could request a volunteer mentor to help her transition back to life on the outside. A year before her release, Prison Fellowship matched her with two women: Pat Kelly and June Nielsen. “I remember the first day when Pat and June walked in there. I smiled because I just knew that God had sent them to me.” Every other week, Pat and June showed up to encourage her and study the Bible with her. For Pat, mentoring Sheaveal was easy. “By the time we became her mentors,” says Pat, “she had already come to a point in her life that she wanted to follow God, and she was going to do everything she could to make that happen … We just came along in the process that God had already started.”

Twenty-nine. October, 2010 – the day Sheaveal was released from prison the last time.Pat and June met her at the gate and took her out to eat at Cracker Barrel. “After eating prison food for four and a half years, Cracker Barrel was like heaven,” Sheaveal admits. They helped her get settled into a halfway house, where she stayed for three months. During that time, Prison Fellowship also connected her with Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church – her “bridge church” –which had committed to helping Sheaveal with her basic needs. They helped her find a more permanent place to live with a woman from the church, and helped her get a job with a local ministry. “I realize that I’m not alone, that I don’t have to do it alone,” Sheaveal says. “I have all of these people I can call.”

One. The number of years Sheaveal stopped dating. Not long after getting out of prison, Sheaveal met a guy. “I thought it was real good,” she says. That’s when Pat and June stepped in. “They reminded me that my downfall was that I would get with a guy and forget everything else,” she remembers. So Sheaveal decided to make a commitment to herself to steer clear of romantic entanglements for a year, in order to focus on her relationship with Christ and make positive life decisions. She stayed true to her decision, thanks to support from Pat and June. “They’re like sisters to me,” rejoices Sheaveal. “They’re like glue. They make me feel like I’m normal. They have shown me how to laugh. They’re showing me how to live.”

Six. Her children. As soon as she got out, Sheaveal began working to regain custody of her children. Last November, she got a job at a beauty supply shop and is anticipating a promotion to assistant manager. She also began renting her own apartment – with assistance from Coral Ridge – and is in the process of paying back child support. She hasn’t regained custody of her children yet, but she talks to them on the phone frequently. Her daughter Amber is in college studying to become a dentist. And all five of her sons are doing well, most of them living with Sheaveal’s aunt.

Forty-six. Years of life. When Sheaveal looks at the past, she doesn’t despair. “I view the past as a shadow, a dark shadow. I view the present as a light … it’s light and joy and peace.”




http://www.prisonfellowship.org/new-this-week/stories/16175-transformation-by-the-numbers

Layering

Life has a way of layering.  Let me explain.  I used to live in Michigan where winters can be extremely cold.  When temperatures were going to drop well below freezing, it was not uncommon for weather reporters to caution us, “Be careful not to get frostbite.”  They suggested layering our clothing to keep in body heat and keep out the frigid temperatures.

We are born with a survival instinct that cautions us against mental and emotional frostbite.  We instinctively begin to layer protection against what we may perceive as a cold, cruel world, from an early age.  Psychologists call these layers, defense mechanisms.  Ways of thinking, behaving, and relating that help us survive as children but often become counter-productive, or even destructive as we grow older.
Let’s think about some of these ‘layers.’  I’ll name two or three that have been in my personal defense arsenal, and you add a few of your own.  Ready to work with me?  Okay…

I learned from a very early age that no one can be trusted.  So I became…get ready for it…”hyper-vigilant.”  I was ever on the alert, stressed out by the possibility that someone, anyone, might hurt me, or at least want to take advantage of me.  Hyper-vigilance can come across as suspicious, overly reactive, or even jealous.  It stresses us and defeats its own purpose because when you don’t trust anyone or anything, you may miss it when an actual threat comes on the scene and mistrust your perception. After all, you’ve been wrong before.

The foundation for this defense mechanism is underdeveloped trust.  Trust is the first stepping stone to human psychosocial development.  How do we free ourselves from this unhealthy ‘layer’?

 We do it by learning how to trust appropriately within the context of safe, healthy, relationships.  How do we find a safe place to work on this development?  The safest place I know is in a healthy church, small group, or mature Christian friend who has demonstrated loyalty and honesty in the past.  

You can test every relationship, every advice or counsel offered, and every principle taught by measuring it against the Word of God, God’s personal letters to you—letters provided to help you grow and become more like Him.

Another defense mechanism which helped me survive early years but became counter-productive later on was denial.  The human mind often refuses to accept that which seems to threatening or destructive for survival…so the person in denial may look right at something and not see it.  Block out the threat…  Sometimes we alter our perception of the threat to make it less intimidating.  We ignore or distort any reality we think we can’t survive.

I remember once, in junior high school, being asked by a teacher to write an essay on what animal I’d like to be if I could choose.  Some classmates chose a bear, some a lion, one wanted to be an eagle.  I chose the ostrich.  I didn’t have a clue about what my choice was telling me…and others.  The ostrich hides her head in the sand and pretends the danger doesn’t exist.  A perfect example of denial.  Denial may keep us alive when we are children caught in an inescapable web of danger…it may keep us sane, but the time comes when we have the power to take action, to remove ourselves from the danger, and get on with the business of living.  If we maintain our defense mechanism of denial, we won’t be able to free ourselves because we have accepted the false belief that “it isn’t so bad,” or “there is nothing I can do,” or “this will stop if I just keep hoping, or praying.”  It won’t stop unless you take action.  You have to stop it.  Denial is not your friend.  I had to take my head out of the sand before I could free myself from the abuse I grew up with. It is the truth that sets us free…Jesus told us that.  Denial distorts or denies the truth and keeps the soul in bondage.  It is a layer that keeps us in the darkness when life is meant to be lived in the light.

I’ve found over the years that books by godly authors can help me identify and deal with the multiple layers of unhealthy coping mechanisms that I adopted during the trauma I experienced growing up.  The measure of a books worth is it’s alignment with the Word of God, the absolute truth.

 Some books have been donated to this ministry that may help you identify and deal with your personal ‘layers.’  They are available (with a donation of whatever you can afford) from Hope Aglow Ministries, Inc..  Write or call us and request a book if you want help removing the layers that may be weighing you down with unhelpful or destructive patterns of living and relating.  We’ll accept a donation of whatever you are able to afford.  Scholarships are available for those who need them.  We hope to hear from you.

Hope Aglow Ministries
P.O. Box 10157
Lynchburg, VA 24506

434-258-2248

Love in Christ,
Joy!

  

Linda Settles
www.lindasettles.com
www.RedeemingOurTreasures.com
www.Edicthouse.com

To Whom Do You Surrender?

Do you ever get overwhelmed with your own desire for change?  You want to be like Christ…but that desire seems almost like a ‘pipe-dream.’  Something that vaguely stirs you to change, but seems so far from an attainable reality that you lose hope?  If so, believe me, my friend, you are not alone.  The great Apostle Paul may have felt that way when he penned, “I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” Romans 5: 15 NLT

Some people believe that Paul was struggling with some ‘great sin’ that threatened to overpower him.  I believe every sin is a ‘great sin’ when it has power over us.  If we don’t conquer it—it will conquer us.  How do we conquer the sin that wars against our better self? How do we realize the dream of becoming Christ-like?  The Apostle Paul verbalizes his own struggle to rise above his sinful (human) nature and take on the nature of his Lord in the following verses and gives us his conclusion in Chapter 8 Verse 5,

 “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” In verse 6 Paul informs us of his conclusion in the matter, “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.”  

That is the crux of the matter my friends.  In the secret chambers of our heart there is a battle raging. Our desire to be like our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is at war with our desire to control our own destiny.  William Ernest Henley penned it well in his famous work,  Invictus “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” Unfortunately, Henley died at the age of 53 and one would hope he surrendered control to a higher power, the Creator of the Universe, before his untimely death.

The question we must ask today is this: to whom do I surrender control?  If we surrender to addictions, this world’s system of thought which is contrary to the known will of God, our own desires to gratify our sinful nature (as Paul said), then those are the powers that will control us.  If we surrender to the Holy Spirit and yield control of our lives to him, we will experience life and peace.

Someone once said, “Jesus said it.  I believe it. And that settles it.”  A simple philosophy that may become a guiding light to us if we internalize it and purpose to live by it.

To whom to you surrender?  I pray that you surrender your mind, will, and emotions to the control of the Holy Spirit and begin living a life of peace in Him today!






Linda Settles
www.lindasettles.com
www.RedeemingOurTreasures.com
www.Edicthouse.com

A Divine Week

True stories straight from prison-

Merriam Webster’s College Dictionary defines “divine” two ways:  “of, or proceeding from God;” and “to discover by intuition or insight.”  This past week both those definitions came to mind as I watched and lived through another week of prison.

It all started typically enough.  I was at a visit last Saturday when a young guy from the college building asked to introduce me to his folks.  He goes by the name “Divine”.  He is an extremely lean, muscular black man, just 23, soft spoken and very polite.  He always calls me sir as in “sir, would you have time to read my essay?”  I like him (but, my friends in here will tell you I like most everyone).

Divine is a very bright kid and he writes beautifully.  He’s one of the young guys I really enjoy helping.  So, we completed count in the “VI” room and Divine said “sir, I’d like to introduce you to my folks.”  I’ve had that happen a couple of dozen times in my stay here.  That, or guys I work with in school will introduce themselves to my folks or friends at visit.  We walk over and there is this older, well-dressed black couple sitting at a small table (dad in a suit; mom in a dress; late 60’s).  Divine introduced me to them and said “this is the man who’s taught me to write.”  His mother and father hop up and shake my hand.  His mom tells me they’ve known their son was blessed when he got here.  A devoutly religious couple, she added “we prayed he’d meet someone who would befriend him and urge him to be his best.  He’s told us how you work with the young men.  Thank you.”

I was speechless.  All that afternoon I thought here I am a felon, an inmate and somehow I made a difference in this kid’s life.  All the prayers I’d uttered about giving me a chance and I realized I was, in fact, living my chance.  I made a difference in a kid’s life and his parents now have hope.  It was, a humbling insightful moment.

Two days later another A+ certification test was held.  Seven of nine students passed.  The two who didn’t were mere points from passing.  “Mouse”, one of the guys I spend hours with each week honing his English skills, came back from class Tuesday night with an “A” on his paper he’d written about Langston Hughes.  We spent two afternoons reading and re-reading poems and then, suddenly it clicked.  Like a light switch turning on Mouse’s face, he lit up as he got what Hughes was saying.

And then, Thursday the GED was given.  I had two guys sit for the test and those two guys passed.  I’ve been thinking a good deal about unanswered prayers.  We pray about something, it doesn’t occur immediately and we assume God’s not listening.  We forget all the times in our past when our kids were sick, or we’d lost a job, or we were on the brink of divorce.  Somehow God always answered, always saw us through the difficulties we faced.

I have said “but” a great number of times these past three years.  I realized there’s no “but” in “trust in the Lord with all your heart”.  The strange thing is I think I’ve known that all along.  Faith is all about the future.  You believe because your past proves prayers are answered.  A lot of good news came out for the college guys this week and for the GED students.  It reminded me that in any situation good can come.  Remembering that was divine.  

 http://barsstripes.blogspot.com/

[The Author] I was an attorney suspended from law practice in Tennessee for misappropriation of client’s funds; I rebuilt my life by moving to Virginia. Disclosing my law license problems, I was hired as a claims adjuster and within 1 year promoted to in-house claims attorney by a large Virginia insurer. Four years after being hired, I began embezzling money to lavish gifts on family and friends. From 1996 through the middle of 2008, I traveled as a high roller (making first-class trips to both the Mirage in Las Vegas and the Borgata in Atlantic City); ate in the finest restaurants and had front row seats at shows with family & friends. However, this world came crashing down in August 2008, when I was confronted by the company president. Immediately confessing, I was arrested, convicted for embezzling over $2 million and indicted on six counts. I was diagnosed with manic impulse control disorder (a form of bi-polar disorder). I pled guilty and made significant attempts to cooperate with authorities and protect my family. However, the wife I loved divorced me; my two sons withdrew from me; friends abandoned me. I was sentenced to 30 years in prison (with only 15 suspended).

CHRISTMAS DAY IN PRISON

In prison, Christmas day is the second happiest day of the year. New year’s day is the happiest because New Year’s signals another year gone and one nearer release and the outside world. It doesn’t really matter which month you were "sent up", another calendar year has passed. It’s gone forever.

There is an air of expectancy throughout the prison as prisoners anticipate a Christmas visit from their families. Some lay silent on their bunk-beds, trying to recall memories of childhood Christmases. Past and distant images are awakened of family and friends gathered around the table laughing and eating, then later relaxing and exchanging gifts.

The prisoner tries hard to keep his mind off the length of his sentence and the crime he committed. This is a time to receive word from home...though some messages will prove painful. A solemn air hovers over the prison. Try as he may to keep them away, dark clouds of failures, mistakes, regret and remorse over crimes committed that have separated him from freedom, bring salty raindrops in the form of tears.

Actually, the Christmas season began weeks ago with the Angel Tree program. Prisoners were asked to submit the names and addresses of their children, and what they would like to give their children for Christmas. The Angel Trees were set up in shopping malls all across America. On the branches hung little angels with the name, age, and clothing size of the prisoner’s children.

Shoppers chose an angel, purchased the requested gifts or an alternative gift, and presented it to the volunteer sitting beside the tree. Although it is suggested that the gift not exceed $15, some shoppers spent twice as much in the spirit of Christmas. A few days before Christmas the gift is delivered to the prisoner’s child in the name of the parent.

Excitement abounds as prisoners ask each other what they are requesting for their children. Beautiful Christmas cards in multi-colored envelopes begin arriving, resulting in an atmosphere not felt during any other season of the year. Prisoners tape their Christmas cards on the walls of their cells for others to see, and each day re-read the hand written messages inside.

A few days earlier, the chaplain has gone throughout the institution making sure that everyone who wanted one was given a card to send home. The chaplain then dipped into his always limited "love fund" to make sure that the hardship cases had postage for their card. Chaplain’s assistants decorated the chapel with evergreen boughs, bright banners and a live Christmas tree.

Volunteer groups begin coming in, extending best wishes and bringing refreshments and gifts consisting of fresh fruit, homemade fudge, socks and toiletry items...sometimes with a Christmas tract strategically placed.

On Christmas Eve, the prison factory closes early and visiting hours are extended. Family and friends who come to visit are the highlight of the day, but the annual Christmas Eve play, whose actors are the prisoners themselves, runs a close second. Much preparation and excitement, and much to do about nothing goes into the play, from the screening of the cast to the full dress rehearsal.

Then the holiday arrives at last. Within reason, the guards will turn their heads on some rules and regulations normally enforced, such as dress codes, shakedowns and group gatherings. Prisoners try, with some difficulty, to be nice to the guards, and guards, with the same difficulty, try being nice to the prisoners. Both prisoners and guards will breathe a sigh of relief when Christmas is over, knowing both sides have come through without any trouble or injuries.

The prison buzzer will be delayed so the prisoners can sleep late, then all will gather in the mess hall for the highlight of the day...Christmas dinner. The kitchen crew go all out to prepare what the prisoners have requested, including a mouth-watering dessert.

This is the one day of the year when family members (not friends) are allowed to enter the cafeteria to eat with their loved one. It is a time of introducing their families to their friends. Those who do not have family visitors are usually invited to sit with those who do, and sort of "adopt a family" for the day.

This is a great time of healing and bonding between prisoners. Some will, of course, pretend to be too preoccupied for such frivolity, others, sadly, will fake a headache or stomach ache and need to return to their cells.

Recreational privileges will be extended, providing it’s a nice day for gathering in the yard. Most are on good behavior because no one wants to be placed in solitary over Christmas. Friends and family fill their loved one’s prison bank account which usually has a mandatory ceiling.

Prisoners who smoke exchange cigarettes for gifts. Those who don’t smoke exchange candy bars, stamps or toiletries. These items are normally used for bartering and illegal gambling inside prison.

Prisoners present craft shop leather goods to their families and used toys that have been donated by various civic groups. The prisoners have labored over these toys, repairing, sanding, polishing, and painting them until they look like new. Some of the "like new" toys are sent back to the civic groups to be distributed among the poor in the community.

Prisoners are more spiritually sensitive during Christmas than at any other time of the year. Some "make deals" with God, hoping to manipulate a miraculous pardon on Christmas Day, or an early release next year. Sneering at other inmates or at the festivities is frowned upon. Peer pressure controls this. Even non-Christian inmates are silent so as not to disturb the holiday for the others.

This is a day when the prisoner can feel contact with the outside world. Families around the world are celebrating...he will celebrate too. Even in this confined and confused setting, he feels at one with society. He does not feel like such an outcast...like such a "loser".

But some have no Christmas memories except those spent in orphanages, foster homes, reformatories, and other prisons. For them depression sets in. They will purchase some of the drugs or liquor that an unscrupulous guard has smuggled in. Others will celebrate by getting a new tattoo, or by smoking the one cigar they have kept hidden away in order to have something special for themselves on Christmas day.

Some have been locked away so long they are unable to sense joy or happiness, except in a warped fashion, that usually results in pain for someone else. So they try to get all pumped up, to act happy without really knowing how or even why they should.

This results in a lot of shallow talking and forced laughter. Some will ask the chaplain to show them the proper way to cross themselves, some will ask for a cross to wear around their neck, while others will want the chaplain to tell them where to find the Christmas story in the Bible.

Christmas seems foreign in a prison setting...like an improper balance. No one wants to be where he is...especially today. Everyone is trying to feel significant. The Muslims and the American Indian Movement will busy themselves so as not to cause a fuss with the attempted celebration.

Another chapter has been written in the prisoner’s life. Let it read:

"Today I behaved and enjoyed as best I could...as Christmas dictates. No guards got on my case. I was not sent for counseling or to lock-up. I did not fight or curse a guard. I was not written up...did not receive any tickets or told I need to attend an attitude adjustment class.

"For one day I did not plot the demise of my enemies or relive my trial. I conducted myself according to what I once was, and what I someday hope to be...not what I am.

"I cleaned my cell and shined my shoes. I sorted through my locker to find my best prison clothes, making sure there were no tears or patches on the shirt and that my trousers were ironed. While showering, I felt a strange expectation, and wished myself a happy Christmas. Shaving took on a new excitement and upon returning to my cell I said a prayer.

"I spoke to other prisoners I have never spoken to before. I wished both guards and prisoners ‘Season’s Greetings’. I could tell some of them were eagerly anticipating a greeting from me...a break in the routine...and they wished me the same.

"I don’t understand Christianity, but I went to chapel anyway. There I saw real women, genuine smiles, wholesome love, and heard great singing. I saw beautifully colored dresses, smelled perfumed candles and touched a member of the opposite sex...if only in a handshake. People even asked me my name...not my number.

"Blind devotion...tradition...call it what you will, I made peace with my inner man...if only for a day. ‘Merry Christmas’...what a great holiday...no, what a great Holy Day."

On the day after Christmas when the morning buzzer sounds, the prisoner may react exactly the opposite. He might spit on a guard or curse fellow prisoners.

But not today...because today is Christmas Day in prison.

Author’s note: Prisons, like churches, are all alike - yet different. In maximum security prisons, families would never be allowed access into the cafeteria, while in some minimum security units, prisoners are encouraged to earn "points" during the year which will allow them to spend Christmas Day at home.

Joe R. Garman, President
American Rehabilitation Ministries
P.O. Box 1490, Joplin, MO 64802
http://www.arm.org/christmas_day.htm